censoring yourself on the internet
I had a different post in mind when I was drafting my next entry when I attended a friend's focused writing group, which was also conveniently located near where my partner worked. Then I started seeing too much content on Instagram about oversharing and dumping, and started to internalise it. But then, what's the point of this blog, wasn't it also to acknowledge that you literally have a multitude of generations of you (younger/"inner" child, teenager) existing in the moment that inform your current experiences of reality1. I sometimes have difficulty understanding the difference between oversharing inappropriately and being able to leave part of yourself on internet identity that's disconnected from your physical body's lived experience2.
I intentionally tell people that I want to focus on my health and wellness this year, with a very serious, perhaps even borderline menacing, attitude, warning -- realistically, projecting my extended burn out onto the world, but maybe if I get serious about writing, it would be interesting to reflect on this experience (though I probably need to understand if I'm legally not allowed to share something... anyway, just silly thoughts).
On the plus side, I used NYC's Freedom of Information Law (FOIL) Request page to try to obtain some documents, and they actually responded to it within a month's time frame, which isn't bad. As a renter, you can never be too careful, and if you live above a business or anything, it's always in your benefit to have a paper trail. I suppose that can be true of most things, which is why access to information and misinformation are so powerful. Sucks we can't be working for a universal good and are instead pouring resources into trying to colonise the fucking Moon because Moon dust is abrasive to human internal organs and we are funding research somewhere to try to deal with this? I mean, if this isn't the biggest DON'T DO IT DUMMIES sign that Nature could have ever provided to any of its beloved creations, then uh, yeah, I don't know, kind of a semi-depressing night, but this entry is definitely lighter than the one I previously prepared!
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I have sadly been thinking about how Bayesian statistics is a great tool to think about navigating life in general. Maybe a future blog post. What's sad about this, you might wonder? Having an advanced degree in a subject that terrifie(d/s) you does not go away that easily, so I'm finding uses for tools that are honestly triggering unpleasant feelings within my body. Anyway, this is why I say don't go to graduate school unless the tuition is going to be paid in some way, especially if you can teach undergraduate students.↩
While we're on the theme of sad footnotes, I think about the idea of separate identities and freed lives from Harry Potter (JKR could have just had a quiet, rich life, and instead became a TERF, brilliant...), horcruxes, Hermione's memory spell to her Muggle parents. I had a point in time where I wished that would happen to me. It's good I'm trying to be intentional about making space for myself this year.↩