silent writing club #3
I've been falling behind on my journals and the general upkeep of my life, the bar downstairs returns as my renewed enemy, and I've become increasingly jaded and vocal about my day job, but I was satisfied with what was done today1, especially considering I left early in order to catch Monster (2023; 125 min)2 with a friend and catch up in general.
Prompt: Loss of love, pain
newton's third law of physics is the first law of life
When you gain, you lose, and that was the primary lesson learned at 9 AM physics3. If every action had an equal and opposite reaction, then who could blame her for moving across the country to distance herself from the ones who wanted to hold her close and within their control. But they forgot to mention, in school and all the courses she took, that the world doesn't exist in a vacuum (well, they did, kind of, but only in movement and friction, and not when it came to how people ran through the course of their lives) and every action and opposite reaction was actually some kind of fucked up continuous cycle of unending events, a tide of bad, good, bad, good; when you were neutral, you were actually overwhelmed, your brain sensing no external input, electrical signals traversing internally to keep your physical body alive but not to generate any tangible, perceptible output to cross through the wall between you and the external world and surroundings.
Here's an example: It was good to have a confidant, to express sympathy and exert care, someone with an understanding ear to your face, and, equally and oppositely, an exaggerated mouth behind your back to the student administration of why you habitually blacking out (you weren't partying, you were an equal and opposite release of the stress you put on yourself) or that you obtained Adderall in your studies (it was only in preparing for the final exams, the first moment when biochemistry suddenly came together, and, a decade later, you'd feel vindicated for this moment -- though it didn't matter now that she was gone, and in a sick way, didn't she pay for the betrayal when her own heart betrayed her before she even turned 25?).
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction, so why was she surprised to learn that the habits which carried her through one phase of life would backfire when those rules were applied to other circumstances? If she already knew that going against her own soul's desires would incite a revolt against her physical form, why was it received as such a surprise? She had been a good student but believed too much in the sterile movement of time captured in the pages of texts she worked to teach her brain as truths. If she knew these truths, why was she so unaware of how it all played out in her body? If she wanted revenge, why did she forget that the cost of that exercise would be her spiritual life? I mean, it's not good enough that she's just here, there's nothing to be proud of a shell still standing.
Silent writing club #2 exists but only in the confines of my notebook. It contains 4 letters written to myself at distinct points in time. It's good in concept, unsatisfactory in execution, and definitely not something I'm going to put on here, anonymous blog or not! If I ever become anyone of human interest, let it be something to be discovered postmortem -- I read that the artist Hilma af Klint did that with her paintings, so maybe I'm taking a leaf from her book here.↩
I recommend not reading spoilers but I often like to go into a movie completely uninformed to maximise my experience. I didn't even watch the trailer, it was more like: Ryuichi Sakamoto (RIP) supplied music for the soundtrack? Sounds good to me, I'm in.↩
I originally wrote 'thermodynamics', I'm sure there was a thread to go here as well↩